New Jokes For 3000

Q: What did the main entree say to the apetizer?

A: Meat me at the pate

Q: What did the dyslexic computer order for dinner?

A: The lack of Ramb

Q: What did the firefighting salad say to the hostiges trapped in the burning pyramid?

A: Romaine calm.

Q: What did the vegtable detective say to the distraught gardener?

A: Peas, Mr. Greenthumb, I'm sure your missing corn will turnip soon!

Q: How did the salad kill his landlord?

A: It beet him to death.

How Many Cats Does It Take To Eat A Bowl Of Ice Cream?

Does this cat know he's breaking all the rules?

So, how many cats does it take to eat a bowl of ice cream? This intellectually searing question has practically riddled me crazy since I was a kinder. Answer: none...you can't get cats to eat a bowl of ice cream no matter how many you've got or how hungry they all are. Why? Because cats are inferior, sweet-hating predators that would rather eat a rat roast than a nice bowl of vanilla and hot fudge.

Doot Boop a Doo

All good people must see this...PLEASE?

How Long, Doc?

There is a county in Oregon, I believe, named Multnomah.

To me, this sounds serious. Imagine this:

Me: Hey, doc...what's the word?

Doc: Well, Nicki, I've got some good news and some bad news.

Me: Shit. Well, what's the good news, doc?

Doc: There is no good news, I lied.

Me: Oh. Well, what's the bad news, doc?

Doc: Its Multnomah.

Tragic, chronic, deadly...Multnomah.

Now, now...

There has been a lot of neck wrangling and mental wrastling recently regarding the Supreme Court, its retirees, its not retirings, and its potential thrice decadus no-abortus. It has also come to my attention that certain people, as this situation has come to pass, don't know who Sandra Day O'Connor is.


Is she that lady that flew the plane? That's a good guess, but, no, she's not.

Wife of the historically misunderstood George Franklin Jefferson? Aw, Shut up.

Is she a brand of Irish toast? No, not even close.


Why?

Why, you liberal lady, no know?

OY!

Picture if you will, a pastoral scene.

Can't picture it? Well, you're not alone, my friend.

9out of 10 people can't either. That's a ratio of 9 people to every 10 people.

Imagine that.

Can't?

It's alright, baby.

You're home now...